Fucking Unicorns: Who doesn’t love them?!

 

Once in a while Burning Man leads you to some crazy mythical and magical creatures and their ridiculous art projects. This is how we found Colorado-based art collective The Fucking Unicorns and their absolutely bonkers art car. At first we weren’t sure if we should disturb them. They were working very hard to repopulate the Earth with mono-horned sparkly ungulates, but it didn’t seem like they were stopping any time soon. So we just jumped right in and asked them some questions about their fantastical heritage and their big dreams for Burning Man 2012.

 

This is the amazing Fucking Unicorns art car that they’re bringing to the playa this year!
Where do unicorns come from?

In truth, our roots lay in ancient Norse folklore.  It turns out that Odin’s singular eye was actually our single testicle… thus the all-seeing, all-knowing, and all-fucking. All hail Valhalla!!!

What’s the deal with your cousin, Sparkle Pony? He’s glittery but totally useless!  

It’s true. There is so much more that you can do with a horn.

Will unicorns riding a car that’s a unicorn riding a unicorn open up an interplanetary dimension?  

Yes. The phenomenon is scientifically referred to as the “Meta-corn Vortex.” You don’t even want to know what happens when we think about unicorns while riding the unicorn art car. Your head might explode.

How did all of you unicorns find each other (since you mythical creatures are so scarce!)?  

Unicorns have a sixth sense, or unicorn detector. It’s kind of like GPS… but even more magical.

What do you do if you can’t stop pooping glitter?  

Hey, everybody poops. The Fucking Unicorns are very aware of personal hygiene and the negative impact that our poop can have on the environment. Luckily there are magical dung beetles that roll our glitter poop into Skittles balls; which are a delicacy in some cultures.

Do unicorns practice safe sex?

Yes, sex is the only time when safety comes first… unless you want to make a babycorn.

How can I ride a unicorn?

Reverse unicorn-girl (similar to reverse cowgirl) is a camp favorite.

What do unicorns eat?

Our lives are sustained by fairy dust, gypsy tears and fruit loops. Mostly fruit loops.

When and where can I get some unicorn blood?

Unicorn blood is only available for about 5-7 days every 29 days or so. Check in with your favorite female unicorn for a more precise schedule.

Do unicorns have to be extra careful when they fuck?

Accidents can happen during intense horning sessions, yet this rarely causes severe injuries. We use safety words.

When will it stop!?!   

NEVER! MWHAHAHAHAHA!

Does the movie “Legend” make you aroused, horrified or both?  

Horrified… see below.

Do you have any natural predators besides man and dragons?

Pirates, trolls and Tom Cruise.

Is all that stuff about virgins and unicorns true?   

Why don’t you ask your mom?

Woo! Those unicorns are pretty racy! If you’d like to know more about them or donate to their epically glitterific art car, check out their IndieGoGo page. Their video is highly recommended for fun times. 

Here’s a picture that the Fucking Unicorns drew for us before they disappeared into the clouds.

 

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